Ethical Non-Monogamy Glossary of Terms

Agreements: Mutual understandings and commitments that partners make together in ethical non-monogamy. Unlike rules, which are often prescriptive, agreements focus on negotiated commitments that are designed to meet the needs, desires, and well-being of all individuals involved.

Anchor Partner: A partner who provides emotional stability, support, and grounding in an individual's life. While anchor partners can overlap with nesting partners, they don't necessarily have to cohabitate.

Asterisk Relationship Structure: Typically involves one person who has multiple partners. It resembles an asterisk (*) with one central figure and multiple branches to the other partners. The central person may have separate connections with each branch of the asterisk, while the other partners may or may not have connections with each other.

Boundaries: Personal limits or preferences set by individuals to protect their emotional, physical, and psychological well-being. Boundaries are unique to each person and can involve what they are comfortable with, what they are not comfortable with, and what they need to feel safe and respected.

Compersion: The feeling of joy or happiness when witnessing your partner's happiness or success with another partner, the opposite of jealousy.

Comet Partner: Someone with whom an individual has an intermittent or sporadic romantic or sexual relationship. These relationships may involve periods of connection followed by periods of separation or minimal contact.

Consensual Non-Monogamy (CNM): An umbrella term that encompasses a variety of consensually practiced relationship structures in which individuals have multiple romantic or sexual partners with full awareness and agreement from all parties involved. Interchangeable with ethical non-monogamy.

Couples Privilege: When an established couple's relationship takes precedence and priority over the needs and desires of other partners or potential partners.

Decoupling: The act of transitioning relationship boundaries to decrease the intensity and enmeshment of the relationship.

Descriptive Hierarchy: Labels do not necessarily indicate that one partner takes precedence over the others in terms of importance or commitment. In a descriptive hierarchy, the labels are used mainly for the purpose of clarity, transparency, and communication about the dynamics within the relationships.

Don't Ask, Don't Tell (DADT): An arrangement in which partners avoid discussing each other's other relationships or details about them.

Envy: A desire for something another person has.

Established Relationship Energy (ERE): The comfort, security, and familiarity that develops between two people who have been in a committed and loving relationship for an extended period of time.

Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM): An umbrella term that encompasses a variety of consensually practiced relationship structures in which individuals have multiple romantic or sexual partners with full awareness and agreement from all parties involved. Interchangeable with consensual non-monogamy.

Garden Party Polyamory: Individuals involved in multiple romantic or sexual relationships are comfortable attending social events, gatherings, or group activities with their metamours (the partners of their partners) and often interact with them in a friendly and inclusive manner.

Hierarchical Polyamory: A system within non-monogamous relationships where partners are ranked in terms of importance or commitment level. This can include primary, secondary, and tertiary designations.

Hinge Partner: The hinge partner is a central figure in a V or N relationship structure. This person is romantically or sexually involved with two other individuals who are not romantically or sexually involved with each other. The hinge partner plays a pivotal role in connecting the two branches of the V or N.

Jealousy: The feeling of insecurity that is tied to the fear of losing something that you have.

Kitchen Table Polyamory (KTP): A style of non-monogamy where all partners are comfortable sitting at the same table together and sharing experiences.

Metamour: A partner's partner; someone with whom you share a partner but are not romantically or sexually involved.

Monogamish: A term that refers to a form of consensually non-monogamous or open relationship where a couple primarily practices monogamy but allows for some degree of sexual or romantic exploration or engagement with others outside the primary partnership.

Monogamy: The practice of having a single exclusive romantic or sexual partner at a time.

Mononormative Conditioning: Refers to the societal, cultural, or interpersonal influences and expectations that promote and reinforce monogamy as the standard or normative way of conducting romantic relationships.

Mono-Poly: A relationship structure where one person remains monogamous while the other is polyamorous.

N Relationship Structure: Two people (the hinge partners) each have romantic or sexual relationships with two others, creating a more complex interconnected pattern resembling the letter "N."

Nesting Partner: A person with whom someone in a non-monogamous relationship shares a physical living arrangement, such as a home or apartment.

New Relationship Energy (NRE): The intense emotional and chemical response experienced when starting a new romantic or sexual relationship.

Non-hierarchical polyamory: A relationship structure within ethical non-monogamy where all romantic or sexual relationships are considered equal in importance, with no one partner holding a higher rank or priority over others. In non-hierarchical polyamory, there is a deliberate absence of primary, secondary, or tertiary designations.

Open Relationship: A relationship in which partners are free to pursue sexual or romantic connections with others outside of their primary relationship.

Parallel Polyamory: A non-monogamous relationship structure where partners have limited or no interaction with each other's other partners.

Paramour: A romantic or sexual partner.

Polyamory: A form of ethical non-monogamy where individuals maintain multiple romantic or sexual relationships simultaneously with the knowledge and consent of all involved parties.

Polycule: A visual representation of the interconnected relationships within a non-monogamous network.

Polyfidelity: A relationship structure where a group of people commits to being exclusive with one another, often referred to as a closed or "polyfi" relationship.

Polysaturation: The state of being content and fulfilled with the number of romantic or sexual partners one has, without seeking additional partners.

Prescriptive Hierarchy: Labels come with an expectation that the primary partner holds a higher priority, receives more time and attention, or has more say in decision-making compared to secondary or tertiary partners. This type of hierarchy can involve specific rules or limitations on the secondary or tertiary relationships to ensure that the primary partnership remains the central focus.

Primary Partner: The central or most important partner in an individual's non-monogamous relationship structure. This person often holds a significant role and commitment.

Quad: A relationship structure involving four individuals who form two couples within the larger group. This can be two couples, each consisting of two people, who engage in romantic or sexual relationships with each other. Quads often involve complex dynamics, as the interplay between four people can vary significantly based on their individual connections.

Relationship Anarchy: A philosophy within ethical non-monogamy that promotes valuing each relationship for what it is without adhering to specific hierarchical structures.

Relationship Escalator: Societal expectations and norms dictating the stages and progression of a traditional monogamous relationship, such as dating, exclusivity, cohabitation, marriage, and children.

Rules: Explicit guidelines or directives that individuals or partners establish within their non-monogamous relationships. These rules define specific behaviors, actions, or limitations that are expected or forbidden. Rules can cover various aspects of relationships, including sexual boundaries, emotional connections, time management, and communication.

Secondary Partner: A partner in an open or non-monogamous relationship who holds a less central role compared to primary partners. Relationships with secondary partners may involve fewer commitments.

Solo Polyamory: A relationship style in which an individual maintains multiple, consensual, and often emotionally significant relationships while intentionally prioritizing their autonomy and independence. They value their ability to make decisions independently and often maintain their own living spaces, finances, and personal lives.

Swinging: A form of ethical non-monogamy where couples engage in sexual activities with other couples or individuals.

Tertiary Partner: A partner who holds an even less central role than secondary partners in an individual's non-monogamous relationship structure.

Throuple or Triad: A committed romantic or sexual relationship involving three individuals who are all equally involved with one another. It can be viewed as a triad where all members share an emotional and often physical connection. Throuples may live together, make joint decisions, and consider themselves a single, cohesive unit.

Unicorn: A person, often bisexual, who is interested in both members of an established couple.

Unicorn Hunting: The practice of a couple seeking a bisexual person to join their relationship as a "third" partner. This term is often criticized for unrealistic expectations.

V Relationship Structure: Involves three people, where one person (the "hinge") is romantically or sexually involved with two others who are not romantically or sexually involved with each other.

Veto Power: The authority one partner may have to end their partner's involvement in a new relationship, which can lead to complications and resentment.